Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Missing my mom

Little things, like Mythbusters ads. Books. Everywhere, I see her in books. My tablecloths she made when I was little. The Norwegian decor all over my house. The pewter candlesticks I could kill someone with. The sweaters. Oh, the sweaters. The obituary on the fridge I should probably take down, because every time I look at it I'm thrown into that funky parallel universe where everything is slightly off.

She was, is, a force of nature. That woman is one amazing piece of work. I want to call her. I want to kiss her soft cheek.

Monday, May 14, 2012

On the way home from Storymakers 2012

My mom died on May 3, 2012, and with the support of my family, I attended the Storymakers writers conference anyway. It was two days of blissful fog with wonderful friends and an awesome roommate. I was completely distracted and I now realize what a blessing that was, because reality came crashing back down quickly enough.

ANYWAY, the 2nd night of the conference (which was after the Whitney Awards, one of which I was nominated for but lost to a dear friend, so it's ok) my awesome roommate's husband picked her up and my husband took her place, so we had a nice evening together. The next day on the drive home, I was reminded of why I laugh so much with him. It went something like this:

I plug in my iphone and start my shuffling playlist for our listening pleasure.
Mark: You're older than I am. Just so you know.
Me: What?
Mark: Phil Collins? That's like easy listening.
Me: It is not. It's retro.
Mark: He was easy listening back when he was big.
Me: Fine. We'll skip it.
Mark: What is THAT?
Me: It's Il Divo. The hot opera guys Simon Cowell put together.
I turn the volume up.
Me: How does that not give you chills?
Mark: What? I'm sorry! I can't hear you--there are too many people yelling in here. And if this is what we have to listen to in heaven, you'll have to find someone else.
Me: Pffft.  Whatever. Here.
Mark: Ok, that's better. Queen I can listen to in heaven. pause I'm pretty sure Freddy Mercury isn't there, though.
Me: Hey! We don't know that!
Mark: I'm pretty sure he had sex with animals.
Me: sputtering We don't know why, we don't know what he was dealing with...
Mark: It was that overbite.
Me: For crying out loud.
Phone rings. It's Anna.
Mark: We're on our way home right now.
Anna: Why aren't you answering your phone!?!
Mark: We stopped for a snack and I must not have heard my phone in my pocket.
Anna: It's Sunday. You guys are hypocrites.
Mark: We're on the road.
Anna: Anyway, you can call Bestie and tell him you're going to be late for dinner, because I'm not going to.
Mark: Anna, we're not going to be late. We're on our way home right now.
Anna: Whatever! Mom said you would be home an hour ago.
Mark: I did not tell Mom to say that.
Me: Anna, I'm sorry. I didn't know.
Anna hangs up in a huff. I am afraid.
Me: Ah, here we go.
The dulcet tones of Sting waft through the car.
Mark: eye roll
Song shifts to "No Stars" by Figures on a Beach
Mark: Who is this? No, don't tell me.
Me: You'll never guess it.
Mark: Yes I will. Ok, who is it?
Me: Figures on a Beach.
Mark: blank, flat expression.
I'm not surprised, because it's off a sample album "Just Say Yo" I listened to ad nauseum in the early 90s. He didn't much care for it then, either. Was also irritated that I overplayed Toad the Wet Sprocket's "Walk on the Ocean" in those days.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

*Nina is married. Her last name is McConnell, which is very syllabically pleasing to the ear. Her inlaws are wonderful.

*She and her cute husband, Levi, used Target gift cards to buy groceries. Yes! She's learned to be practical.

*Anna has moved into Nina's "suite" of rooms. Posters of Jersey Shore and Men in Black have replaced Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger's frightening Joker face.

*Gunder wants to know when he can move into Anna's old room. And he's getting tall and I could swear I smelled B.O. on him the other day. *sob*

*My mom has dementia and I have eaten my weight in chocolate in the past six months.

*Which now makes me weigh a lot more.

*I look like Marie Osmond before Nutri System.

*I adore books but also love my Kindle. That makes me fickle.

*I read Soule Mama's blog and get teary. I want to restore a little old farm in Maine. With sheep I can shear and use the wool to knit my family sweaters. And possibly pants.

*I regret not keeping a better journal when my girls were little. I blinked and they grew up.

*Kitty is likely on her way to the executioner soon. She's old, and the smell of cat urine on Mark's clothes was the last straw. I told him he's not allowed to pay Levi to cap her in the head, quick and painless though it might be. I also told him he's not allowed to take her up to Huntsville and just let her loose. I called the Humane Society... Drat. She's my first real pet.

*Moving into life's next season...grown kids (well, minus the 7 year old), picking the writing career back up and fully dusting it off, taking on editing clients and loving my career. The day after the wedding, Mark wrote on my white board, "Round 2."

*Round 2 indeed. Pulling up my bootstraps. (Whatever the hell those are.)

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Overheard on the way...

So carpool the other morning went something like this:

Gunder's friend: If I had a magic wand, I'd wave it and make all the girls bald.
Gunder: Have you ever seen a bald girl?
Friend: No
Gunder: Dude, it sucks. It's really horrible. You don't want to make all the girls bald.

And in other news, Nina is getting married to a very sweet guy who has an awesome family. Thanks to her future mother-in-law, I am not going completely insane trying to nail down details for this shindig. She's amazing and I bow down to her expertise and her inventory, as she was a wedding planner in a former life. I must have done something right, somewhere.

Anna is nearing the end of her junior year and wishing she could be done already. Can't say I blame her- she's one of a gajillion kids who hate school. Her pottery skills are amazing, though- I'm not going to let her drop out because I want her to make me some more stuff. Well, and plus there's always that whole you-can-get-a-better-job-with-a-diploma thing. Not to mention college.

It's snowing right now, in a way I would very much have enjoyed on Christmas Eve. Given the fact that I woke up this morning with a migraine, however, and am so overjoyed that it's gone now, I don't care if it snows until May.

My third book in the Isabelle Webb series is nearly done and I have a fun new project on the horizon that I CAN'T WAIT to sink into. Writing is a love/hate thing for me. I'm always amazed at how hard it is to make myself sit down and do it, only to feel euphoric when I finish a really good writing session. Accounting would be a wiser profession, I think. 2 plus 2 always equals 4. Plot plus characters does not always a good story make.

Grrrr!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Halloweenish 2011!


I am so in love with Halloween. It brings in the season that my family and I love most. I love the crisp air and the fresh smell. I love the beautiful fall colors. I love the fact that my air conditioner is no longer running.

These are some of our fun October memories this year.



The makings of taco soup, our favorite fall meal. Except for the ground beef, which was cooking on the stove and still looked raw and gross.


Western Day for Red Ribbon Week!


Har! Crazy Hat Day!


Anna and Alex. Pumpkin time!


Gunder considers his options.


Abi sacrifices her hands to the pumpkin guts.


Aw yeah! Jengo Fett and Luke Skywaker. They are the cutest friends together and I love that they have so much fun. This was taken right before I dropped the boys off at a Halloween party that had all the makings of a fabulous time but which ended up freaking out Gunder after he walked, sobbing, through the spook alley. When I picked them up from the party, Luke Skywalker told me that if he had walked through with Gunder, he would have told him to stay away from the "biting place." I almost started sobbing, myself, at that point. (*disclaimer* The party was thrown by a wonderful classmate's equally wonderful mother, and my poor son has his mother's horrible imagination that occasionally has a hard time differentiating between real and make-believe. I was also assured the children were not bitten.)

Trick-or-treating last night was awesome. We did the trunk or treat at the church parking lot and then hit a few houses on our street. Finished the night off at my sister's house with bowls of my brother-in-law's famous and utterly delectable chili and a viewing of "Sleepy Hollow," which never fails to delight. (The Tim Burton one, not the cartoon, although I do love the cartoon as well.) It's hard to go wrong with Johnny Depp and Christopher Walken.

And just because:


"Sleepy Hollow" brings to mind images of classic Tim Burton. The dark scenes, everything blueish--the gross orange blood that spurts everywhere. Very "Sweeny Todd." Which also brings to mind the time my husband went with a friend of his to see "Sweeny Todd." ("Dude, did you know this was a musical?")

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Talents--what are they, really?

Recent discussions with friends got me thinking on the subject of talents--we've probably all heard it before but I think, as women especially, we need reminders.

The scriptures tell us that we are all blessed with talents, diverse and varied, and we are expected to do something with them. A few years ago, I was involved in my ward's Enrichment Night celebration of talents. There were a wide array of us, sharing the things we'd accomplished and basking in the glow. We had a combination of writers, artists and composers.

There was a problem.

I heard later that one of the sisters told her husband she'd never attend another meeting like that one because she came away feeling like such a loser. According to her own assessment, she couldn't write, draw, paint or compose music. Ergo, no talent.

This couldn't be farther from the truth.

Not all talents produce a physical, tangible product. A loving Father has blessed us with talents both outwardly impressive and quietly crucial. Drawing on experiences of women I know, I'm going to show you what I mean.

Woman "A" is a stay-at-home mom with three beautiful kids. She's younger than I am and really has her stuff together. She has a testimony but knows how to relate in the "world," to find joy in the world. Her children are smart, the house is amazingly decorated, she cans food, knits beautifully (and learned only last year!) and gives attention to her callings while still maintaining an awesome homefront. She does these things on a shoestring budget as her husband finishes grad school. She knows who she is and is comfortable in her own skin. She's also incredibly funny and sarcastic. This makes me love her even more.

Woman "B" is dependable, gracious, lovely and generous to a fault. She cares for others despite her own illnesses. She volunteers, serves, takes care of family, delivers beautiful fireside messages, writes roadshows, and often crashes when it's all said and done because her body often can't keep up with her spirit. Now granted, she is a writer and that's one of those talents we're not discussing here, but take away the writing piece and she's still one of the most amazing people I know.

Woman "C" is one of the most beautiful and glamorous people I know in real life. She has four gorgeous kids and a gorgeously decorated home. She is put together at all times, in all things and in all places. Her attention to detail is second to none and her taste is impeccable. She is also one of the most genuinely nice people I know. I mean NICE. The first time I met her she was new in the ward and came to visit teach me with her companion. I made a snap judgment upon first clapping eyes on her, only to have it dissolve within the first five minutes of conversation. I've known her for years and that has never changed. She is genuine, classy, smart, funny and so very kind. She is more beautiful on the inside, even, that trust me, that's saying something.

Woman "D" has five children and she and her husband want one more. She is runs a home of delightfully chaotic organization and is an awesome mom. She plays with her kids, she is calm about spills, she loves her current role and is doing a darn good job with it. Having so many children and running an efficient house are skill sets that I do not possess. I have only three children, two of which are nearly adults, and I still can't find socks or a room in my house that's consistently tidy and organized.

I could go on with women "E" through "Z," but I hope you see where I'm going with this. Kindness is a talent. Organizational skills are a talent. Amazing church and community service, that is a talent. As are the following: compassion, dedication, dependability, charity, a strong work ethic, humble spirituality, seeking for and attaining knowledge, the ability to make others smile, a good grasp of life's priorities, etc.

Those talents that aren't so easily visible in terms of outward appearance are those I refer to as "quietly crucial." They are the crux of life, for they almost always mean some sort of service to others, whether in the community or within the walls of our own homes. Love is usually the root motivator, and love is pure.

Now. Let's say you've always wanted to be a photographer. Or to learn to sew. Or write poetry or your life story. Your life story in poem form. Just because you didn't leave the womb as an expert in these areas, does that mean you shouldn't try? I believe that we should spend a lifetime examining and reaching for talents we may not even know we have. We should do what we can to learn about the topic and then not be afraid to try it.

Woman "A" I mentioned above learned to knit last year. She is amazingly good at it. And we have another friend who is THAT MUCH MORE amazingly good at it, and she also just learned how to knit last year. So let's say we have me, we'll call me "good." We'll call Woman "A" "better," and we'll call Amazing Knitting Prodigy Woman "best." Does this mean I don't have a talent for knitting. No. What it means is that if I want to continue to grow and develop this talent, I must work at it. Just because my talent doesn't have me at the top of that particular game doesn't mean I don't have the talent for it.

Talents take work. With the possible exception of Mozart, I've not heard of anyone whose talents didn't require practice and honing. And truthfully, Mozart certainly progressed throughout his life--he didn't write Eine Kleine Nachtmusik at the age of 8. (Although he did write other music that I can't begin to replicate at the age of 8. Let's not talk about him anymore.)

In the New Testament we find the Parable of the Talents. One man did amazing things with his, the second man did good things with his, and the third man buried his talent. Talents, in this story, refer to currency, but the point is the same. If we bury it, it stays as it is and is of benefit to nobody--not family or friends, and not ourselves. Certainly not to our Father, who gave us those talents in the first place.

I have homework for you. Your job tonight (or tomorrow night, or anytime this week you have a few free minutes, but for sure before Sunday) is to make a list of your talents. I'm not talking about the ones that produce something tangible. First you start with you, and you list the things you ARE. Then continue the list and write down those things you produce. Maybe you're really good at canning or gardening. Maybe you can put together an awesome scrapbook. Maybe you read the newspaper front to back each day and can tell me exactly what's going on in Libya. Perhaps you know how to sew aprons on a machine. Perhaps you can give one heck of a presentation to your boss and colleagues, with or without the Powerpoint. Maybe you're the one in the office who remembers everybody's birthdays or notices when someone is down and you buy them an African Violet. Unless it's a man who's down...you buy him a chocolate doughnut.

You keep this list in your journal, and if you don't have a journal, you grab a notebook or staple some computer paper together and start one. And perhaps on the other side of this list, you will write down a few things you'd like to do, a few talents you'd like to grow. We may have talents buried that need digging up.

Grab a shovel!